EDL - To the Rescue!?!??

Well. What can be said about these right wing arseholes, really? To begin with I honestly thought Stan Lee had gone mad! The English Defence League? What a crap bunch of superheroes!! Mouths full of bad teeth, grumbling with disbelief at the fact it’s raining AGAIN, asking Dr. Doom to kindly step aside or feel the wrath from one’s umbrella. Bop! But rather than an awesome new super squadron, uniting to fight against the world’s evil doctors and moustache sporting, top hat donning villains, the EDL are a gang of (unemployed??) dismal ‘nationalists’, who won’t shut up about how much they HAAAAATE Islamic extremism “and its effects on British life”. They’ll have you believe they’re “not racist” and that all they want is their meat butchered the good old fashioned ‘English’ way, a knees up down the Legion on St. Georges day and for all the evil, villainous Muslims to bugger off back... ahem, I mean, they just want to put a Nativity on at Christmas time...!

Now I don’t advocate extremism any more than the next person, but come on!! Living in Stoke you behold many a strange sight daily but how many Muslim extremists have you seen chanting outside J.D Weatherspoons in Hanley recently?

So in light of the recent EDL march that took place on Saturday 23rd Jan, S-O-T, I visited the EDL website, purely for ethical exploration mind and I was not in the least bit surprised to find the usual aversions against divulging too much personal information regarding the organisers behind this kind of nauseating group. (Was it something I said moment)? But what I did find was weakly written spiel with no real objectivity which was riddled with contradictions. Making sure to remind us they’re “not racist”, they even encourage “immigrants (who have) just arrived yesterday” to join them, just as long as they HAAAAATE the Jihadist’s as much as they do. Stupid idiots.

Anyway, as I navigated my way around the site I couldn’t resist a peek at this Spring’s new line in their merchandising section. Once there I was greeted by a lovely big pop up that read, “POLOS, BURKAS, BASEBALL CAPS + MORE!”, an expected EDL member’s uniform at first glance, then, Woahwoahwoah. Hold on, Burkas? Intrigued, I followed the link to an ‘eBay shop’ where, to my horror, the EDL had actually incorporated a ‘burka mask’ into the hood of one of their shitty Fruit of the Loom jumpers! Yuck! These fascist monsters really will stop at nothing!! They even had child sized t-shirts! Awww cute! :-) Its always nice to bring the kiddies along to violent protests! :-) Totally clueless.

It’s fair to say that the only mission this division of lunatics managed to succeed in on Saturday, was exposing themselves as total idiots. P*ss off now please EDL, and take your outrageous nonsense elsewhere in future.

Someone get me Stan Lee on the phone, I want to make a complaint.

Pull the other one!

Picture the scene. You're an 83 year old gentleman from Lima, Peru. You've probably taken a tumble off your donkey and landed on a rusty rail, thus rendering one of your legs useless! After a few months of "putting up with it" that leg develops a life threatening ulcer so your daughter takes you to The Alberto Sanogal Hospital where the Doc tells you it has to come off. Ok, I’m getting on a bit and mechanizing a prosthetic at my age will pose some initial difficulty but I’m a healthy bloke so bring it on I say!

So, you start coming around the morning after and you've got that phantom limb feeling, but they warned you about that so you’re not too alarmed, but hold on, WHAT'S THIS!? They've only gone and lopped off the WRONG.ONE. That leg you can 'mysteriously' feel is in fact still there. That plane of duvet was once a mountain of leg. Your leg. Now it’s gone.

"I was shocked when I lifted the sheets and saw they had taken his left leg," the man's daughter, Carmen Villanueva, told Peruvian radio station RPP. Hmmm, REALLY!!? Thankfully, the (ir)responsible doctors who performed the botched operation have since been suspended, whilst the Villanueva family are consulting legal types with a view to sue! Gosh, just think of pimped up wheel chair he could buy if they win!! Totally worth it.

What a Gooseberry!

After 53 years of pain staking green fingery, Bryan Nellist's 62.01g "woodpecker berry" has been awarded the coveted 2010 Guinness World Record award for the world's HEAVIEST gooseberry! (Imagine!)

At long last realizing his lifelong dream and finally kicking the proverbial dirt in the eyes of his rival, Kevin Archer, Nellist said on the victory, "I have been trying for 53 years to grow 'the big one' and it could have been even bigger. I picked it a week before the show because i didn't want it to burst." (Show off).

Apparently there is "nothing more heartbreaking than waking up to discover your gooseberry has burst." I think waking up in the morning to find Kevin Archer pissing on your gooseberry patch again comes in as a close second, however, Bryan was unavailable for comment.

Well done though Bry! :-)