Bus Off.

Another exemplary article published in The Sentinel today regarding the preposterous decisions made by local councils. Why would you design a building specifically intended to act as a comfortable bus shelter for members of the local community waiting to use and on the whole pay for public transport but locate said building metres away from the bus stop? This sort of inanity is something I would usually readily associate with Stoke-on-Trent City Council not the Staffordshire Moorlands...

 

Bus passengers are turning their backs on a brand new heated waiting room – because it's been built too far away from where the buses stop.

The ‘bus hub’ which cost around £15 million to construct was built as part of the Sainsbury’s superstore development in the centre of Biddulph. However, bus passengers are reluctant to use it as they say they miss their buses if they take shelter in the err shelter. Given that it was erected 50 metres from the bus stop, it’s taking elderly passengers around 25 minutes to stand up, gather their belongings and walk to the bus, by which time it’s already pulled out of the depot.

Now Biddulph Town Council is writing to bus companies who use the stop, including First and Bakers, to ask their drivers to give people a little longer to get on the buses.

The issue was addressed at last night's town council meeting, following complaints from residents.

Town Mayor Rodger Deane, said: "The problem is people are walking out of the hub to the bus stop but by the time they get there, the bus has pulled off.

"I think we need to send a letter to the bus companies who use the stop asking them to be aware of the situation and for them to give adequate time to get to the bus.

"All they have to do is look in their left mirror and they will see a line of people walking towards the bus.

"The actual hub itself has been designed poorly and you can't actually see the buses coming down the road if you sit in it."

A spokesman for Sainsbury's said the company had carried out a full consultation with the public and relevant authorities regarding the positioning of the hub and had received positive feedback on the designs.

He said: "The bus hub has been built in full accordance with the planning permission, providing both an indoor and outdoor waiting area and public toilets. The High Street was not considered an appropriate setting for the bus hub as there is not enough room for it."

 

I have a feeling that if the bus stop was moved 50 metres closer towards the bus shelter we’d all be really happy again. It’s that kind of thinking that could see me voted Lady Mayoress of Stoke-on-Trent.

Seasoned Criminal Behavior

Things I can live without, certain condiments. Things I can’t, books. I read this story and was personally offended. It’s as bad as someone spitting Haribo at Adam Ant.

Police in Idaho think they might have solved a yearlong condiment crime spree after 74 year old Joy L. Cassidy was arrested on Sunday after being caught spicing up the Ada County Library books’ drop box.

Police stopped the suspect moments after watching her deposit an open jar of mayo into a box designated for reading materials. Cassidy was released from jail and faces a misdemeanor charge of malicious injury to property, she is also believed to be behind at least 10 other zesty condiment related cases of vandalism that started in May 2009. Since last summer library employees have reported finding books in the drop box covered in corn syrup and tomato sauce. (#sickinmymouthtomatosauceblergh.)

Chuck McLure, police spokesman said that a motive for the alleged vandalism had yet to be determined.

I don’t like Stephenie Meyer either Joy but come on, leave the sauces at home.

Singin in the Rain

I can't put it off any longer. I. Must. Update. Blog.

Wet Weather Woe.

We've just seen the back of another successful British bank holiday. The London Underground practically shut down, train lines all over the country were affected by engineering works and the weather was, as expected, shit. I'm sick of hearing and reading the words 'unsettled'. I had totally forgotten about the weather risk involved during bank holiday weekends and packed my suitcase for London with dresses and sandals. Idiot.

Meanwhile, on Sunday in Bath, 234 glass half full types, grabbed their brollies and stuck two fingers up at the miserable weather and broke the Guinness World Record for most people singing with umbrellas.

"I've got a world record"

"Oooooo, what for?"

"Most people singing with umbrellas."

"Oh."
I’d rather be in Hyde Park shielding my eyes from the blazing sunshine breaking the record for the most amount of time sat on the grass having a nice time. Probably have to do that on a week day, ay weather? Stupid Mother Nature.

You Know What Really Grinds My Gears

I’ve had a dash of the mean reds this week. Please rest assured I’m not about to commence on an explicitly revealing blog detailing my womanly monthlies, I’m merely referring to that mood where everything around you irritates you. First highlighted by Holly Golightly in Truman Capote’s ‘Breakfast at Tiffany’s’, the mean reds are similar to the blues but are located further down the mood spectrum. Your troubled state of mind causes you to cry at RSPCA adverts and people laughing leaves you fuming, mostly because you can’t muster a smile, let alone indulge in a spot of giggling! In light of my misery (ha!) I’ve written a list of my pet peeves. In no particular order...

3D films, 3D televisions, 3D glasses, Disney 3D, James Cameron.

Being on a cheapo London Midland train and having a smug Virgin woosh past.

 

Any electric guitar whilst I’m dashing around, Underground. I’m a music fan, honestly. I often throw my change at white bearded men with clarinets and old dancing puppets but the amount of screechy Springsteen’s and rubbish Radiohead covers is beginning to make the bus look rather inviting.

Playing Brick Breaker and absorbing a ‘flip’. Omfg.

10 Downing Street. Mess.

Lee Evans and Jimmy Carr. Sorry boys, I’ve tried to like you, I really have. It’s just isn’t happening. That goes for you too Chegger’s and Edmunds.

Kate Thornton. I’m not sorry for disliking you. You seem mean; you’re so insincere and always very abrupt. Perhaps you take a tube to work in the morning and encounter an electric guitar? In which case, you’re excused. Loose Women is an afternoon show though Kate, you really have no reason to be so unhappy. You should have snapped out of the morning mean reds by now. Whilst I’m on the subject though, I want to add all the Loose Women to my inventory of worsts, working alongside Jane Macdonald would make anyone miserable. I think I just don’t like you Kate. I’m not going to try and justify it any longer. I also don’t like Ruth what’s-her-name? Triangle Face, Mrs Ealmon Holmes to be. Well her, massive pointy thing. Also, Gail Platt.

Facebook groups. ANNONYMOUS became a fan of ‘Don't You Just Hate It When Someone Interferes In Your Relationship’ and 36 other profiles. FFS. KMT. WTF. :(

Age, that’s on my list. What an unfortunate thing to bestow upon the youth! Id like not to dwell on this. It's aging me since im frowning so.

People sitting next to me on public transport, I’m not proud of myself about this but it does something to my mood. Like these idiots have come along with the sole intention of purposely making me lose my place in a book and to sit on my coat. Deep down I know this is unfounded but it still gets me. It really does. Sigh.

People who start sentences with, “I’m not racist, but..” Enough said.

I could certainly add to this list but rambling is another thing that I find particularly tiresome (and something I’m frequently guilty of) SO my plan is to just join, become a member of or even create groups on Facebook. That way everyone will know just how Goddamn serious I am.

White Strike

"There is a long-standing anomaly which has meant cider has been under-taxed in comparison to other alcoholic drinks. I intend to correct this. So duty on cider will increase by 10% above inflation from midnight on Sunday." - Alistair Darling, 2010.

 

Apple orchards have been suitably prolific ever since Gordon Brown, as chancellor, cut the duty by 2% in 2002 and for four subsequent budgets it was frozen. Millions of pounds were spent on creating new scrumpy goodness but this week, as expected, Darling announced an end to the good times by increasing the alcohol tax with cider being one of the worst affected.

"This tax is a kick in the teeth, said Jan Gale, manager at the Clifton Tap, which is renowned for its strong ciders, "The new tax is aimed at binge drinkers but it is the regular, sensible drinkers who are going to be affected most.”

Henry Chevallier, chair of the UK's National Association of Cider Makers, said a pint could cost up to 10p more when the duty increases by 10% above inflation on Sunday. Chevallier said today: "This dramatic increase could well reverse the growth we have generated in recent years.”

There is a real sense of unease brewing in the West Country at the moment, with the usually placid cider crowd threatening to mount their combine harvesters and tractors and travel to London to give Alistair ‘Eyebrows’ Darling a piece of their minds.

Some warned the Government to heed the lessons of the past, pointing out that a cider tax in 1763 led to riots and the consequent resignation of the Prime Minister. Clearly the conservatives remember this and so ‘Man of the people’, David Cameron, took to the pubs of Devon last night to enjoy a few pints of cheap cider before the levy on Sunday. Mr Cameron said: "Taxing all cider so heavily is wrong. They don't understand the West Country, they don't understand this part of our country. The duty is highly unlikely to boost Labour’s election prospects in south-west England.

Frank Naish, 86, one of the oldest cider makers in the world warned, “The last time they tried to sting us with a cider tax, there were effigies burnt in the street. I wouldn't be surprised if the same thing happened again, such is the strength of feeling round here."

The tax hike also caused stereotypically West Country posse, The Wurzels, to state: "We are all very upset that scrumpy cider, being one of the few pleasures that we cherish down here on the farm … is being hit by such a tax rise. We all realise that we have to tighten the string on our trousers but we feel we are being unfairly penalised."

Facebook members are rapidly churning out groups to support the plight of the cider drinker with one called: “LEAVE OUR CIDER ALONE!” Within minutes of the Chancellor’s announcement the group appeared and has so far attracted 13,343 members. However, unfortunately for The Wurzels, the campaign to get “I am a Cider Drinker” to number one by Sunday so far contains only 346 members.

My Boy Lollypop

Those that know me will be somewhat conscious of my pic ‘n’ mix dependence and compulsion for all things sweet and sugary. To me, the following story is a total fantasy, one that has often transpired in my sherbet, sugar hazy dreams, it’s left me feeling unusually attracted to vending machines and jealous of a two year old...

After the allure of hundreds of colorful lollypops, a greedy toddler crawled through the “tiny” slot of a sweetie dispenser and settled himself amongst a mountain of treats in a busy family restaurant in western Australia.

Cohen Stone, 2, was eyeing up the claw grabbing vending machine when his mother turned her back for just a few moments. Apparently, it only took a few seconds for the audacious tot to execute his transition from toddler to Indiana Jones and crawl inside.

"He was there one minute, inside it the next, like a magician's trick," said his mother Kyra, 24, who said that the hole he crawled through was tiny.

She said: "I have no idea how he did it. That's when I started to panic. I didn't know how I was going to get him out."

Customers and workers alike, including the nosey chef, all gathered around to stare at the spectacle. Eventually the wife of the owner was called to bring the keys to the enticing sweet machine only to find, upon arrival, that none of the keys fit the lock.

Luckily, a quick thinking customer telephoned a locksmith; however, he arrived on the scene without the appropriate tools! After a quick dash back to his workshop though, the locksmith returned to the restaurant with the bits and bobs he’d need to liberate the child and the rescue was a complete success.

Worried parents of fat children were left relieved upon learning that the menacing machine has since been removed from the premises.

My Humps

28,000 blonde, leggy hopefulls travelled to a remote western region of the United Arab Emirates earlier this month, to take part in a 10 day festival which saw them compete against each other in no less than 48 titles, prizes for the lucky winners included luxury cars and prize money totalling $10m.

However, this was no ordinary ‘Little-Miss-Dress-Up-Nonsense’ pageant, where girls are paraded, fake tanned and done up to the eyeballs in order to win some futile sash thing and giant sparkly crown. Nope! This was the UAE’s annual Camel Beauty Pageant!

The festival sees camels of all ages and types judged on different criteria, depending on the breed. The body is divided into five sections, with 20 points each, to mark beauty and elegance.

The scoring system is as follows...

Head and neck - 25 points awarded for large head, firm ears, long whiskers, shapely nose and lips, long neck

Upper body - 20 points awarded for large, shapely hump

Front - 15 points awarded for wide neck, strong shoulders, good feet

Rear - 10 points awarded for straight, strong legs

General appearance - 30 points awarded for shiny hair, overall health and fitness, space between toes

Unfortunately there isn't a section devoted to 'talent' or 'wow wear'.

After the prettiest camels are selected (yes, really!) their owners are brought before the panel to swear on purity of lineage and proprietorship.

“I swear that this camel is not a hybrid!”

Next comes the auction, the Gulf Arabs gather to place their bids with some camels expected to make as much as 16 million dirhams or $4m!

The contest is more than just money though, whilst being number one brings prestige and status, (and sometimes 4x4’s) it is also important to preserve the heritage of the Gulf and to also encourage cultural tourism. It's also a good excuse to droole over some sexy camels!