White Strike

"There is a long-standing anomaly which has meant cider has been under-taxed in comparison to other alcoholic drinks. I intend to correct this. So duty on cider will increase by 10% above inflation from midnight on Sunday." - Alistair Darling, 2010.

 

Apple orchards have been suitably prolific ever since Gordon Brown, as chancellor, cut the duty by 2% in 2002 and for four subsequent budgets it was frozen. Millions of pounds were spent on creating new scrumpy goodness but this week, as expected, Darling announced an end to the good times by increasing the alcohol tax with cider being one of the worst affected.

"This tax is a kick in the teeth, said Jan Gale, manager at the Clifton Tap, which is renowned for its strong ciders, "The new tax is aimed at binge drinkers but it is the regular, sensible drinkers who are going to be affected most.”

Henry Chevallier, chair of the UK's National Association of Cider Makers, said a pint could cost up to 10p more when the duty increases by 10% above inflation on Sunday. Chevallier said today: "This dramatic increase could well reverse the growth we have generated in recent years.”

There is a real sense of unease brewing in the West Country at the moment, with the usually placid cider crowd threatening to mount their combine harvesters and tractors and travel to London to give Alistair ‘Eyebrows’ Darling a piece of their minds.

Some warned the Government to heed the lessons of the past, pointing out that a cider tax in 1763 led to riots and the consequent resignation of the Prime Minister. Clearly the conservatives remember this and so ‘Man of the people’, David Cameron, took to the pubs of Devon last night to enjoy a few pints of cheap cider before the levy on Sunday. Mr Cameron said: "Taxing all cider so heavily is wrong. They don't understand the West Country, they don't understand this part of our country. The duty is highly unlikely to boost Labour’s election prospects in south-west England.

Frank Naish, 86, one of the oldest cider makers in the world warned, “The last time they tried to sting us with a cider tax, there were effigies burnt in the street. I wouldn't be surprised if the same thing happened again, such is the strength of feeling round here."

The tax hike also caused stereotypically West Country posse, The Wurzels, to state: "We are all very upset that scrumpy cider, being one of the few pleasures that we cherish down here on the farm … is being hit by such a tax rise. We all realise that we have to tighten the string on our trousers but we feel we are being unfairly penalised."

Facebook members are rapidly churning out groups to support the plight of the cider drinker with one called: “LEAVE OUR CIDER ALONE!” Within minutes of the Chancellor’s announcement the group appeared and has so far attracted 13,343 members. However, unfortunately for The Wurzels, the campaign to get “I am a Cider Drinker” to number one by Sunday so far contains only 346 members.

My Boy Lollypop

Those that know me will be somewhat conscious of my pic ‘n’ mix dependence and compulsion for all things sweet and sugary. To me, the following story is a total fantasy, one that has often transpired in my sherbet, sugar hazy dreams, it’s left me feeling unusually attracted to vending machines and jealous of a two year old...

After the allure of hundreds of colorful lollypops, a greedy toddler crawled through the “tiny” slot of a sweetie dispenser and settled himself amongst a mountain of treats in a busy family restaurant in western Australia.

Cohen Stone, 2, was eyeing up the claw grabbing vending machine when his mother turned her back for just a few moments. Apparently, it only took a few seconds for the audacious tot to execute his transition from toddler to Indiana Jones and crawl inside.

"He was there one minute, inside it the next, like a magician's trick," said his mother Kyra, 24, who said that the hole he crawled through was tiny.

She said: "I have no idea how he did it. That's when I started to panic. I didn't know how I was going to get him out."

Customers and workers alike, including the nosey chef, all gathered around to stare at the spectacle. Eventually the wife of the owner was called to bring the keys to the enticing sweet machine only to find, upon arrival, that none of the keys fit the lock.

Luckily, a quick thinking customer telephoned a locksmith; however, he arrived on the scene without the appropriate tools! After a quick dash back to his workshop though, the locksmith returned to the restaurant with the bits and bobs he’d need to liberate the child and the rescue was a complete success.

Worried parents of fat children were left relieved upon learning that the menacing machine has since been removed from the premises.

My Humps

28,000 blonde, leggy hopefulls travelled to a remote western region of the United Arab Emirates earlier this month, to take part in a 10 day festival which saw them compete against each other in no less than 48 titles, prizes for the lucky winners included luxury cars and prize money totalling $10m.

However, this was no ordinary ‘Little-Miss-Dress-Up-Nonsense’ pageant, where girls are paraded, fake tanned and done up to the eyeballs in order to win some futile sash thing and giant sparkly crown. Nope! This was the UAE’s annual Camel Beauty Pageant!

The festival sees camels of all ages and types judged on different criteria, depending on the breed. The body is divided into five sections, with 20 points each, to mark beauty and elegance.

The scoring system is as follows...

Head and neck - 25 points awarded for large head, firm ears, long whiskers, shapely nose and lips, long neck

Upper body - 20 points awarded for large, shapely hump

Front - 15 points awarded for wide neck, strong shoulders, good feet

Rear - 10 points awarded for straight, strong legs

General appearance - 30 points awarded for shiny hair, overall health and fitness, space between toes

Unfortunately there isn't a section devoted to 'talent' or 'wow wear'.

After the prettiest camels are selected (yes, really!) their owners are brought before the panel to swear on purity of lineage and proprietorship.

“I swear that this camel is not a hybrid!”

Next comes the auction, the Gulf Arabs gather to place their bids with some camels expected to make as much as 16 million dirhams or $4m!

The contest is more than just money though, whilst being number one brings prestige and status, (and sometimes 4x4’s) it is also important to preserve the heritage of the Gulf and to also encourage cultural tourism. It's also a good excuse to droole over some sexy camels!